All Alone (With You)
by swiftasanarrow
Summary: "You have that warm scent that drew me in the first time I met you. Call it instant attraction, a mere crush, whatever you want. I called it love at first sight. But love at first sight never seems to last, does it?" In which Saruhiko has his heart broken and pieced back together again.
1. All Alone

_For the one that got away._

* * *

You have that warm scent that drew me in the first time I met you. Call it instant attraction, a mere crush, whatever you want. I called it love at first sight.

But love at first sight never seems to last, does it?

You broke the news over a cup of coffee and I hid the devastation in my eyes with the steam on my glasses.

Why of all days did you choose _this_? That one day of the year that's filled with hearts and flowers and declarations of love.

Yes, you did declare your love, but not for me.

You never realised what you did to me. Never. Not once in the few more years that I stayed by your side. You were so caught up in your newfound social life that you never once noticed how cold and distant I was. You never saw me fade out of the pictures I know you keep tacked to your wall.

You never saw me.

I faded out of your life like the ephemeral snowflake that fades upon a touch. You forgot me.

I remember the day I told you I'd had enough, I was going away; that look of anger and betrayal on your face. You forgot I was never yours to keep anyway.

I hated red, and I still do, even when my world has already faded into shades of grey. Have you ever thought that you might be the reason?

Love is blind. Coldly and cruelly blind. It makes you give your whole heart away and throws it back at your feet after its been trampled. Love is most definitely not your idea of a triumphant victory march. Love breaks you, and it will break you just as it has broken me.

Call me a cynic, but I will never wear my heart on my sleeve the way you wear yours. It isn't worth it to give it away so easily to uncertainty. Do you ever question why I changed?

I always wanted to as you if you loved me. Of course, you would say 'yes' with a grin on your face and I would be happy. Until you added the caveat: as a friend and partner.

I've always found it strange how you're always so quick to accuse me of leaving you. Do you ever consider that it was you who left me first?


	2. With You

_For the one I got to keep._

* * *

You found me when I was aimless and you took me in. This time, it wasn't love at first sight. Now that I think of it, it was more of hate at first sight.

Yes, I hated you with your order and formality, hated that everyone thought we were somehow related even though I barely knew you, hated that I had to start working for you. My heart was still frozen and it had not yet begun to thaw and it wouldn't for a while.

Then I saw you in a situation similar to mine. You cared for someone who could not care for you in return. I couldn't sympathise. Why should I when I thought I was the one to be pitied?

You tried to show concern for me and all I did was brush you aside and ignore everything you tried to do. I can't say how sorry I am that I was so childish and spiteful.

I never dreamed that my world would hold colours again, but they came back as I began to lean on you. Somehow, you cured me of my habit of hiding behind an iron wall, showing no emotion.

The warmth in your eyes when you took care of me when I was sick reminded me of the warmth I craved. I never intended to fall for anyone ever again, but I fell for you.

I was there when your relationship didn't work out and I hope I gave you the support you gave me. You'd broken down my walls and seen how fragile I actually was. Now, it was my turn to break down yours.

No matter how much you tell me that I'm not too clingy, I think I cling to you more than you imagine. I don't want a repeat of the past, so I hold on to you as tightly as I can. You already know about my possessive streak and I really have no idea how you even manage to tolerate the interrogations whenever you do anything out of the ordinary.

You smell like soothing vanilla, and it comforts me when you hold me. Before, I was incomplete. Now, you complete me. I might be a bit presumptuous, but I think I complete you too.

I want to hold you close for the rest of forever, so never let me go, because I'm sure I'll never let go of you. This solace I have now is something I'll never have without you. You made me see again and I have you to thank for this new life I'm living now.

There is nothing more complete. I belong to you, and you belong to me.


End file.
